Ying,Yang Parenting

I realize I don't write a lot about the "mom" in Econmom. This is because this blog is somewhat of an escape from domesticity for me. You see, most of my life revolves around my children and household, which is a bit ironic for an economics major, MBA, small business owner, and stock trader.

But it is the path I chose. One day I was listening to Suze Orman on Oprah and something she said had a huge impact on me..."People first, then money."

People first, then money. Here has been my take: people first, peace second, then money.

I realize I have this luxury only because I was born in to a dual income upper middle class family that paid for my education. I realize I only have this privilege because my husband works very hard at a corporate job he is very good at, but doesn't exactly love. Well maybe he does love it some days, but even if he didn't, he would do it anyway, just so my kids could stay at home, with their mother, have lazy summers catching frogs and playing with friends.

So, we are lucky, we can get by on one income (okay, maybe one and a 1/4, I do contribute something financially.)

Just a few days ago, I had this amazing spiritual experience while jogging with my dog. I was on my third (and last) mile, and all of a sudden everything seemed brighter, sharper. I had the understanding that God was existence itself, and we are all part of Him/Her. The trees had a white light surrounding them (and no, I wasn't on drugs). I felt totally in love with life, but no fear of death simultaneously. This lasted about 10 minutes, until my mind became active again, and fear crept in. Visions of death overwhelmed me, and I felt as if good and evil were using me as their personal battle ground. The Ying and the Yang. Darkness and Light battling, or perhaps just existing together, in everything, in all of us at once.

So, how does this jive with the parenting piece? Well, that night I had terrible dreams all night. Tornadoes, terrorists, burglars, kidnappers...you name it, I had a dream about it. It was as if my Ego was afraid I had experienced life without it for a few minutes and was in desperate fear of its annihilation. So for the last two days it has been throwing everything it has at me; which can be a lot.

Low on energy and feeling depleted, I decided to give myself a rare gift today and lay on the couch watching Bloomberg news all day. (No soap operas or bon-bons for me, although perhaps I am missing something?)

Eventually, it was time to go get the kids, even though I wasn't fully rested ,I ran to the pet food outlet and did a bit of grocery shopping for dinner.

Upon arriving home, my son inquired as to whether he could have a friend over. "Of course," I said, thinking it might make my afternoon easier. His friend came over, then another, then another...our house seems a neighborhood magnet...am I too soft? A little Tiger Mom needed?

Anyway, it wasn't three minutes before they had made a fort upstairs out of my bed sheets. "Hey guys, " I said, "take it easy today...I am tired...I know I am usually really nice, but that could change quickly..."

So I went to the kitchen to catch up on the chores I had neglected while watching Bloomberg. The old pot roast needed to be thrown away. I usually don't put things like that down the disposal...and harp on my husband for doing so, but I was TIRED...so I did...and then the inevitable plug greeted me..and it wasn't long before I had grabbed the plunger from the basement and was plunging away when a great big fountain of old pot roast goo splashed me in the face.

F@@!, SH@!, GOD@!!!...piece of sh@! pot roast. (His friends were still here.)

All of a sudden I here a rustling in the lilies in the back yard...."Logan...where is the dog?" Oops, they accidentally left the gate open and the dog is in the scummy green petri dish of a pond that is our back yard. DAM!@!!

Face covered in old pot roast, I make my way outside to grab a disgusting canine. I scream at the top of my lungs for my son to get a towel and shampoo, and hosed the crap out of my dog, neighbors staring...

So, my 80% clean dog runs into house when friend opens door and ROLLS the rest of the pond scum off on my newly cleaned living room couch...SH*!

I want a Fu@@!!$ maid!!!!! I want a Fu@@!!$ nanny! I want a Fu@@!!$ gardener!

And I don't have any of those things, because I chose to be a "stay at home mom".

But I do have a lot more than any rich matriarch who outsources chores does...

My son came up to me (while I was hosing down the dog), golden hair shining in the sun and asked, "Can I help Mom? I'm sorry." And he did help.

"I Love You, mom." "You are the best."

The Ying and the Yang merged into One...and I thanked God for This Life...all of it.