Big Layer & Brave Fireflies

They say that when your are healing (emotionally and spiritually speaking), it is like peeling an onion. Well, I began my journey of healing about 10 years ago.

The initiation into a state consciousness I had not experienced before, felt more like someone cutting an onion in half, than a gentle peeling back of layers. My core was exposed, and it was raw, painful...made your eyes burn and tears flow. Flow they did, for months on end...until they stopped.
The gift that evolved out of this pain was a deep peace. I actually couldn't shake it for a few years. (Though the worse half of me tried.) I was able to feel my emotions directly and the world appeared in vibrant color. At times it was as if no negativity could penetrate my space, as if the light emanating from my soul had the capability to ward off the forces of darkness.

It didn't matter how lost or in pain people I encountered were. I could see the good in them, shining underneath the surface. I had developed a kind of compassion that united all people, a compassion I had known nothing of a decade before....except perhaps in the presence of animals.

I began to write; spiritual things mostly. I had a few children's stories come to me, and even started a book I intended to call, "Conscious Parenting".

I never had anything published, though I submitted a children's story to a few publishers:

The Brave Little Firefly:

Once there was a very brave little firefly.

He lived happily in the forest with his mother, his father, his sisters and brothers, his aunts and uncles, and his many, many cousins.

One afternoon there was a large storm. The thunder roared and the wind blew and he was separated from his family.

The brave little firefly became very frightened.

He thought he may get eaten by a bird, a bat, or another forest creature if he didn’t turn his light off.

So…. he turned it off.

For a while, he felt safe. But soon, he began to feel sad. He began to believe he couldn’t truly be himself and be safe at the same time. After all, he was a firefly.

He yearned every day to light his fire and be his true Self. It seemed like forever that he was in the dark.

But he was too afraid.

Finally, one day, the brave little firefly made a decision.

He decided to turn his light on even if it meant he would get eaten.

It was better to turn on his fire than to be afraid forever, he thought.

So he took a deep breath and turned on his light.

It felt so good he couldn’t believe it!!! He wasn’t afraid at all.

Suddenly…. In the far off darkness he saw a….a….a…..a… a…

A light! Not just one light, but many lights.

It was his family.

“Why didn’t you turn your fire back on earlier?” they asked him.

“I was afraid,” said the brave little firefly.

“But you did it anyway,” said his mother.

“We love you,” said his father.

And they lit up the night sky until dawn.


I actually received a response from one house, a denial, but they didn't even have to take the time. I took this as a sign my writing must have some merit.

Around six months later, I was reading Eckart Tolle's, "A New Earth" and was not surprised to see a chapter called, what else..."Conscious Parenting".)

You see, truth is tapped into, it exists in the Universe independent of us, and the vehicle it uses to express itself is irrelevant. Obviously, Tolle was more ready than I to express this truth, and it found its expression through him. This is not at all a judgement of myself, just an observation.

My ego is simply not ready to let go. It is hanging on with desperation, and my attachment to it has not yet been completely severed. Like a parasite, it is afraid it will die without me and I am not sure I can deal it the final blow.

I am not aware of when this inner peace began to fade, though I still experience it for at least a week or so a month. It is painful, almost worse (than never having it al all), to have experienced it only to watch it fade. (Of course, my ego is surely convinced this is my own fault, and I deserve whatever suffering ensues.)

That, however, is not the truth. I may have just hit the next big layer, the MOTHER of all layers. Or perhaps the other half of my personal onion is in the process of being quartered.

Either way, I feel I must move forward.

Bring on the Demons, I am ready for my final battle.