Parenting

You know, I am always fascinated by children. They are so present. I mean they live in the NOW. One of my favorite books is Eckart Tolle's "The Power of Now". If there is one thing you can do for you children that will transform your life and theirs, it is to be present.

Being a "stay at home mom", which I pretty much have been for the last 7 years, taught me the value of presence. When I was working full time as a bank manager and working on my MBA I thought I was the busiest person in the world. I was wrong. It didn't take long for the Universe to serve me up a nice piece of humble pie. Having a baby blew my mind. Literally. The fact is, my mind needed to be blown. I never realized how lost I was in my thoughts before the demands of motherhood forced me to be present.

What exactly do I mean by presence? How often are you doing one thing, like loading the dishwasher, while you are thinking about something else? Perhaps you are even "listening" to your spouse, while you are thinking of that kitchen floor that needs to be mopped. When is the last time you were not thinking, but simply being? When you were utterly present in the task before you.

I realized, at some point, that all my children needed was love, attention , and presence. (Food helps) But seriously, that is all they wanted. When they were stressed, it was usually because I was stressed, and not present. When they threw tantrums or misbehaved it was usually because they had perhaps been around me all day, but never had my present attention. I was lost in my thoughts about the world. Maybe it was about money, or my lost career, or a recent fight me and my husband had had, or what I to needed to buy at the grocery store. Whatever it was, (the thought of the moment) it was competing with them for my present attention.

I can hear you all already. "But kids can't have attention all the time." "Kids need to be independent." etc, etc. You are correct. The truth is - the need very little attention - if, when they are getting the attention, you are present with every cell of your being. If your mind is quiet and you are totally focused on them, they need very little actual time.

If you play a game with them and are thinking about something else while you do it, you might as well have not done it at all. They will still be needy. This is what I would like to say to parents who say they spend so much time and attention on their children, but their kids always want more. I would like to ask them: Were you really and truly present with your child? Was your mind clear when you were speaking o them or listening to them?


The next topic I would love to talk about is why adults avoid presence like it is the plague.
I plan on writing more about this topic in future posts. I would love your input.

Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas season!